In case you missed it: be sure to grab 7 ways you can use coaching to build a more inclusive culture with your team (even in areas that are hostile to DEI efforts)!

Maintaining a coaching mindset - being open, curious, and flexible - is the foundation for using a coaching approach to leadership. To be able to effectively help your team members find the useful lessons they can take away from a mistake or figure out some productive next steps in a tricky situation, you need to be able to tap into your curiosity and keep a focus on moving forward.

This topic is fresh on my mind because of a recent discussion in a group that I participate in. A library director was disappointed and frustrated with some behavior from their team. The root of the issue had to do with an outdoor event in their town, but the specifics this year were complicated by several factors, including Hurricane Helene blowing through - they were far enough from the center that the event was not canceled, but close enough that it probably should have been!

The frustration in that first post was palpable.

They posted anonymously in a closed group to protect the identities of the folks they were discussing. Within 24 hours, they had received a lot of responses, and had ongoing conversations under several of those responses, and the tone of their comments shifted significantly.

They went from sounding stuck in frustration and disappointment to seeming to have a path forward that would support their overarching goals of improving communication and collaboration within their library.

Because they posted anonymously, I don’t know whether they have ever even thought of using a coaching approach to leadership.

But this stood out as an excellent example of how to make sure that you show up for your team in the way that you want to show up for them, even when things go off the rails and/or your feelings (frustration, anger, disappointment, resentment, whatever) start to get in the way.

Feeling those feelings is entirely valid, and you need space to do that where it won’t negatively affect your team. And then you need support and strategies to get back to finding a path forward that will address the challenge in a way that supports your larger goals.

Whether it’s an anonymous post in a closed facebook group, a group chat with peers at other libraries, or talking with a critical friend, getting additional perspectives from people who will challenge you to consider other perspectives is a powerful way to get yourself back into a calmer, curious mindset. And that makes it easier for you to consider a wider range of perspectives. After all, people rarely do things that are frustrating because they just want to frustrate you! They usually have some other motivation that you’re not seeing in the moment, and slowing down to figure out what’s at the root of that behavior will help you find a more effective resolution for the long term.

I will throw in a little plug here for professional coaching! Professional coaches (at least those trained in ICF-accredited programs) are specially trained to help you work through this process of getting to the root of the problem, considering other perspectives, challenging your assumptions, and helping you find a productive path forward.

This topic is also fresh on my mind because I’m having a frustrating week myself. I moved to Lisbon, Portugal at the beginning of this year and, for the most part, it has been amazing.

But I’ve run into my first bureaucratic nightmare while trying to figure out how to navigate the national health system to get an updated covid vaccine. I’m neurodivergent, and can be cool about a lot of convoluted processes when I understand what’s going on, but I can’t find anyone who can or will give me a clear explanation of what the whole process is. Instead it’s all piecemeal: I need to do this, and then I can get my vax. So I do that and go back. Here’s another obstacle. And so on.

Last night, I was to the point of thinking that maybe I need to just fly back to the US to get this covid booster! But, I no longer have US health insurance, so I don’t know whether that would even work.

And really, that seems kind of ridiculous!

Feeling this frustrated with this thing that has nothing to do with my work made it really hard to sit down and write a coherent newsletter for you today.

But taking this time to sit down and write about reclaiming that coaching mindset has helped me slow down, step outside of my own frustration, and look for ways to approach this process with more curiosity.

This is working because of a few factors:

• Giving myself space to focus on something else for a little while (that first section about the anonymous post)
• Intentionally focusing on this coaching mindset, especially being curious and flexible
• Actively looking for the lessons in these small interactions

When you don’t have time to talk through your frustration with others, giving yourself space to do this sort of reflective practice can also help you get back into a coaching mindset.

For those who process through writing, taking some time to write your thoughts down in a journal can be a valuable practice.

When I don’t need to get a newsletter ready to go, I find it useful to just take a walk with these thoughts - I feel like being in motion helps me process!

What other ideas come to mind for you to get back into an open, curious, and flexible coaching mindset when you've been knocked out of alignment?