I've been working on a growing collaboration with Annie Bélanger, focusing on supporting neurodivergent library leaders. We started with free monthly facilitated discussions, and are now developing a group coaching program with this focus.

And that has raised the question for me of how these threads weave together.

What on earth does a coaching approach to leadership have to do with supporting neurodivergent library leaders?

Back in August, Annie and I presented Masking Isn’t a Leadership Skill: Neurodivergent Leadership, Identity, and Sustainable Well Being at ThriveLib. And we presented an expanded version of that talk this week for the Boston Library Consortium. In that presentation, Annie discusses adaptive leadership for neurodivergent leaders, and then I discuss ways that supervisors, peers, and direct reports can support neurodivergent leaders and contribute to building a more neuroinclusive culture.

In my intro to that section, I mention that the thread that runs through all of the upcoming slides is curiosity. Instead of making assumptions, ask questions.

At ThriveLib, one of the participants challenged that in the chat, noting that we (neurodivergent folks) are often penalized for asking questions.

And that is absolutely true.

So I had to do some work to articulate this more clearly.

And that highlighted why it's so important to me to help you develop a coaching approach to leadership and a coaching culture in your library.

Of course, I'm talking about coaching as defined by the International Coaching Federation (ICF). That's important to be very clear about, because there are folks out there who use that label for getting people to “buy into” their way of doing things or for doing things that I'd consider micromanaging. For all of the research out there showing benefits from effective coaching, research has also shown that behaviors that some managers think of as coaching can be counter-productive, leading to poorer outcomes and damaging team morale.

Coaching is a strengths-based approach that centers structured inquiry to explore a challenge and find the best path forward for that person. It involves asking a lot of questions and actively listening, not giving a lot of advice.

So when someone comes to me to get advice on how to plan their next library program, instead of immediately suggesting what I would do, I start with questions.

• What ideas are they already considering?
• What obstacles are they getting hung up on?
• What support or resources would they need to be able to move forward with one of those ideas?

These questions assume that they already have some thoughts, and need a sounding board to help them work through something they’re getting hung up on. Once you start using this approach more, you may be surprised at how often the real challenge is that your team members have great ideas, but are getting hung up on decision paralysis, or even just want reassurance that you think their idea is good and permission to run with that idea.

And when you make a habit of asking what support someone needs, that gives you a chance to learn how to better support everyone on your team, including the neurodivergent folks who may or may not have disclosed their neurodivergence to you. This can sound as simple as “what would help you accomplish this” or “what would help you make this program a success?” Those questions are broad enough to open discussions about additional resources, some online training, flexibility in their schedule, and a huge range of other things.

The reason I specifically like to talk about this in terms of building a coaching culture is because there are a lot of frameworks out there for a coaching conversation. So even if this feels really difficult to you, you can practice following a script until it gets easier.

And, my neurodivergent brain loves a script!

As neurodivergent folks, we tend to be great at asking a lot of questions... And often wind up getting negative reactions for those questions.

Learning coaching skills taught me a lot about how to intentionally word questions to keep the focus on what I really want to know.

This is a communication skill that doesn’t come naturally to most people who grew up in the US. We're socialized to listen to respond – take in just enough information to form a response that we can have ready to go as soon as the other person stops talking. That leads to all sorts of miscommunication between people of all different neurotypes.

It takes work to unlearn that habit and start listening to understand.

It takes work to stay focused on asking curious questions to understand even more about what's really going on below the surface, instead of jumping to fix the surface level issue we see.

And this is work that levels the playing field, because we all have to do this work. It's not that neurodivergent folks have to cover over yet another perceived deficit. We're all learning this together.

We all benefit from learning these skills, and we all benefit from working with colleagues who use these skills. Research shows that coaching your team members can improve work-related outcomes, including goal-attainment and self-efficacy, and enhance innovative work behaviors. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

When the whole team works toward developing a coaching culture together, it’s no longer just the neurodivergent folks asking a lot of questions.

When you're ready to take the next step in learning coaching skills for yourself, join the waitlist for the July 2027 cohort of Lead With Curiosity!

And if you want to discuss scheduling a special session for your library system or consortium, send me an email and we can set up a time to talk! We can tailor the timing and format to fit your group's needs.